Oh good, cuz I was dying to know what alien inspired their creepy mannerisms.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen decided to write a book called Influence, about all the designers and whatevers who got them into fashion.  Despite the fact that the book is dedicated to interviewing other people, such as Diane Von Furstenberg and Karl Lagerfeld, the twinsies chose to put themselves on the cover. 

The girls had a signing yesterday at Border's book store in New York City, for those of us who felt compelled to spend $30 on a coffee table book with Michelle Tanner's face on it.

I've included a video of the protesters.  The Olsens have been on PETA's shit list for quite awhile due to their love of fur.  Some demonstrators decided to picket the signing wearing masks and holding signs saying Fur Hags From Hell and Trashley Olsen Fur Tramps.  Clever!

       

Love is in the air for one of the Olsen trolls twins!  We spotted Mary-Kate Olsen this week eating lunch with her boyfriend Nate Lowman.  I didn't think the two of them were capable of emotion; I always just pictured them miming to each other about what the most stylish headband is this season and then remaining mute to the rest of the world. This guy seems like he's great at smoking cigarettes though, so maybe he does speak M-K's language!

        

When you're a popular chick like Mary-Kate Olsen, you always need someone by your side to keep a check on those over-excited fans. And MK has the perfect weapon...her very own minder in a dress. We caught up with the tiny twin having a night on the tiles in New York and she made sure she didn't stray far from her burly companion. What pap would want to mess with that? Bring it on!!

Who's that mystery man in the straw hat???  His name is Nate Lowman and he's Mary-Kate's new boyfriend!  The pair were spotted dining at Ill Bucco restaurant in Manhattan over the weekend. Nate, 28, graduated from NYU and his work was featured at the New Museum’s Unmonumental exhibit earlier this year.  Artist, eh?  Be careful M-K, those types can get a bit emotional but then again his barbershop quartet hat is pretty irresistible!

    

It is I, M-Kbot.  I have come from my planet to teach you about my ways and about worshiping our god, Stevie Nicks.  Everyone from our planet is a twin and we all speak Esperanto.  I will now descend upon your program you call David Letterman to talk about my new endeavor The Wackness.  To make it easier for you to understand me, I will speak in your language, however there is still a strong possibility that you will have no idea what I am talking about. 
(To see the titlating Mary-Kate Olsen engage in conversation watch the clip below.  It's especially good when she gets going on my other favorite robot, Spencer Pratt.)

     

Wiggity wack, even.  Mary-Kate, along with co-stars Josh Peck and Olivia Thirlby were on hand at the New York premiere of their new film, The Wackness.  Set in 1994, Josh Peck plays Luke, a teenage drug dealer who coming to terms with his own identity and a new romance in the new NYC of Giulianni.  This coming of age tale also stars Ben Kingsley, Method Man and Famke Jensen and is set to a hip hop score of hits from the day (heavy on Tupac and Biggie).  If you enjoyed A Bronx Tale, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints or even the f'ed up Kids, this movie is definitely worth checking out.  See the trailer here.

     

We spotted my favorite Boho vampires, Mary-Kate and Ashley in NYC  yesterday.  The twinsies had just purchased a piece of art, but apparently their frail little arms couldn't support the weight so their body guard carried it for them instead.  It looks like M-K might still have on her wrist band from Bonnaroo, she's really cherishing those memories!  I really believe when these two get together they combine powers to become one of the creepiest entities in all of Hollywood.  When was the last time we even heard them speak?

  

Mary-Kate loves the scumbags bad boys.  Meet Lapo Elkan, the newest member of Mary-Kate's dude posse. We spotted the Italian transplant in NYC yesterday.  Lapo's reputation precedes him internationally; he was formally the heir to the Fiat fortune but blew it when he was found overdosed on coke and smack in a room full of tranny hookers.  Woops!  MK and Lapo were first spotted together at Paris fashion week, seen here.  (MK had on her creepster shades.)  We'll keep our eyes peeled for this hot item, although in MK's world, her boyfriends are rotated on a bi-weekly basis, so don't expect him to be in the long haul!

Please tell me this is NOT true.  We spotted Gossip Boy, Chace Crawford at the Waverly Inn this week; no surprise there, he's back in NYC to shoot the new episodes.  However Mary-Kate's presence is highly suspicious.  MK isn't really a Waverly regular (way too much hiding her face with a purse, her tiny arms get tired) however she is a seductress.  Supposedly these two met up later at Lit.  Oh Chase, this is not the type of girl you want to get mixed up with!  Go back home to good girl Carrie; she's way less creepy. 

Looking at Mary-Kate and Ashley make me feel like I'm in an insane asylum.  I really can't handle them anymore.  At what point did they go from child stars, even teen stars, to these eerily silent, eccentric characters?? We found the twosome shopping around Paris, at the likes of Louis Vuitton.   I'm sorry, but I personally miss the days when these two were taking turns saying "you got it dude" much more than there current heroin chic personas.  Jeez, what would Danny Tanner think of all this?