So Jessica Simpson has to be more pregnant further along than Beyonce Knowles, right? I mean I know all women carry differently, but it still seems like Jessica’s got like, twice the baby in there.

If, you know, that’s not a case of Krispy Kremes or something chilling in her belly. Yes, I said a “case,” that’s what they’re called in quantities greater than two dozen. And you know Jessica Simpson could put away a case of donuts if she had to.

One thing both these “pregnant” ladies have made clear: you’re no one in this town unless you have a professional umbrella holder. And can walk in the rain in crazy high heels. What happened to pregnant feet swelling and aching, is that not a thing anymore?