After being turned away from the morgue yesterday for being 40 minutes late, Lindsay Lohan actually pulled through today and was there – not on time, but early. Digest that, dear readers. And not 5 minutes early, which would have been more than miraculous. She showed up EIGHTY FIVE minutes early. Gotta type the numbers to properly emphasize this amazing feat.

LiLo was supposed to be at the morgue by 7 a.m. this morning, and was at the door by 5:35 instead. Impressive. Sorta needless, but hey. According to sources, right now Lohan’s on sheet washing duty, which is infinitely more disgusting than it sounds. Corpses have a lot of fluids you wouldn’t even think about until you’re stuffing the sheets they were laying on into a laundry. And presumably crying bitter crack tears and cursing your mean, nasty judge who just won’t let you DUI like you wanna.

Best of all, the morgue’s spokesman told the press, “She won’t be handling any dead bodies but she’ll certainly see them.” Well… she’ll be handling their sheets and whatever they left on the sheets, so that’s good enough for me.

To justice!

Photos of Lindsay are dated August – current.