We’re going to be getting several sets of photos up shortly from the The Metropolitan Museum’s Costume Institute Gala last night. But we had to drop our champagne glasses and stop gawking at pretty people when we came across these insane pictures of Renee Zellweger’s back. What in the name of human anatomy is going on here? We were debating whether her relief map-looking back is the result of too much muscle or too little fat. The sad, bony truth is it’s probably both.

Now to the upside – no point in being pessimistic here! We consulted a fake back specialist, and he confirmed that Renee’s spine is in top-notch condition. He told us that due to Zellweger’s lack of a normal body, he was able to examine her via a photo with just as much accuracy as a regular person could only get through an MRI. She has no Spondylolisthesis or Spinal Stenosis, so breathe easy. He was concerned that her shoulder blades appear to be as wide set as a linebacker’s and it looks like she might have a tail. But that’s nothing we didn’t already know.