Yesterday we said a lot of nice things about Tori Spelling. We can’t really put our finger on it, but we really like her. Maybe we respect the way she’s handled her issues with momster Candy Spelling. Whatever it is, she’s on our good side… but not our blind side. We really do have a special spot in our twisted angsty hearts for you Tori – a spot that accepts you when you walk you pug in a stroller and use word play of your name in all your book titles.

But we just can’t let this go by: your implant is trying to escape your body. It’s trying to go on the lam, hard and fast, and it doesn’t care if it has to cut a bitch to get out of there. We know implants can migrate and do all sorts of shifty things (word play!). But that doesn’t mean you have to let them tell you how it’s gonna be. You can haul those rebellious bastards to the surgeons office and ship them off to boarding school. It could totally be another reality series. Or not. But it needs to be done.