Like walking. Jessica Simpson cannot even handle walking. The women of NYC wear boots and heels and all sorts of things that could easily snap our ankles or get us lodged in subway grates. But we manage to avoid them all day long like normal people. There’s nothing about doing so that requires a spectacle. It isn’t tricky or novel. The space between grates is plenty wide. Or you walk around.

But every single time Jessica Simpson encounters one, she turns it into an opportunity to act like a stereotypically helpless ditzy female. Sure we realize Jess has built her entire reputation on her solid 92 I.Q. points. But we don’t appreciate these sorts of hysterics for everyday behavior like walking. Confusing buffalo wings, whatever. But don’t act like you can’t negotiate a full eight inches of sidewalk and need to shriek, scream, flail, and flap to get yourself through the situation.