Gwyneth Paltrow has released another one of her classically patronizing and snooty Goop newsletters. Paltrow’s previously complained that people don’t like her website – but since nothing’s changed, clearly the problem is with us plebeians, not with Ms. Paltrow or her tone.

The latest Goopy update is a “Get” – meaning all the stuff you should get for Christmas. Gwyneth’s suggestions range from a $52 leather flyswatter from Abernathy Road, to a $155 children’s felt counting book from Chloe In Style or a $1,500 professional collage of your kids’ artwork. Should any of that not be up to your esteemed and unique tastes, Gwyneth would like to send you over to Lori Danelle. For a reasonable $475 she will “faithfully” reproduce your fingerprint in a paper cutting.

Some things – and writing styles – are too precious to sully themselves with the mention of money. Thus Gwyneth won’t reveal how much it costs, but she suggests that you concoct a unique scent for someone special in your life at Henri Bendel. Or as the Oscar winner put it, “You can mix scents to create a bespoke fragrance.” We have no idea what she be speaking about, but we’re not having any of this.