Here in NYC – and many parts of the country – we’re enduring a massive bedbug infestation. Many of us haven’t sat in a movie theater in over a year. We wouldn’t dream of hugging someone who’s staying in a hotel. We keep an empty garbage bag by our front door, and as soon as we walk in we strip off all our clothes, seal them up, and dart upstairs into the shower, silently shaking. That last one’s not about bedbugs, just something we do.

So we were sorta vomitous distressed when we spotted one of our favorite NYC dads, Hugh Jackman, laying on a discarded mattress on the sidewalk while clowning around with daughter Ava. There are only four reasons why there’s a mattress on the sidewalk in this city. 1: It’s infested with bedbugs (94.5%). 2: Someone peed on it (4.5%) 3: Someone was murdered on it and the smell of bleach makes the mattress unusable (2%) and 4: Someone was hoping a celebrity would lay on it (.00001%).

No one ever gets rid of a mattress because it’s lost some support or they’re upgrading to that new pillow-top on sale at Macy’s. Just doesn’t happen. We understand actors are dramatic folks and Hugh Jackman probably felt the need to vividly illustrate some point to Ava. But when she’s lost 1/3 of her blood volume due to bedbugs feasting on her nightly, she’s going to wish her dad had just given her the old “because I’m your dad and I said so” routine instead of going to such disgusting theatrics.