Breathe a sigh of relief gentlemen: Deena Cortese will do you. Wait, why are you running? Get back here, I’m not done! She will do whatever you want! Why are you weeping? Deena, who’s role on the show is to be the budget Snooki, gave a fairly gracious interview where she talked about how friendly all the Jersey Show cast is and how she’s doing her part in the house. There was some chatter about partying and other deep thoughts.

Then someone asked Deena if she’d ever hook up with any of her male cast mates. “Whatever happens, happens,” was the response. “I think they’re all good looking.” Though all the reports leave it at that, we’re pretty sure the rest of the press conference involved chairs being knocked over in a frantic mass exodus of men from the room. At least two guys promised they’d never fist pump again if they didn’t have to sleep with Deena. There were proclamations of never touching steroids or a tanning bed again.

On a related note, if you’re looking to get your Halloween shopping done early, the officially licensed Jersey Shore costumes are here. Or as we call them, “the same thing 65% of the women in the tri-state area are wearing anyway” costumes.